The free dogs of the late 50s were joined by free monkeys in the early 60s. Frankly, I'd sell 20 get-acquainted copies if they promised NOT to send a mini-monkey. Craps in your hand! Craps in your pocket! Throws crap at the miniature dog! Goes for the eyes at the slightest provocation! Amuse your friends! Give them exotic tropical diseases through its saliva!

Is there such a thing as a live miniature monkey that also isn't a real miniature monkey?