For reasons that remain stubbornly obscure to this day, Johnny Carson was unable to leverage his fame into a successful restaurant chain.

You have to pity the waiters, don't you?

Good evening, folks – we’re happy to have you.

HOW HAPPY ARE YOU?

Uh – yes. Here’s your menu, and please do not ask the waiter to list off the specials Karnak-style.

HI-YO!

Please don't do that.