Bang! Now you know why Bear on the Stair never had the chance to be as popular as Elf on the Shelf.

As the story begins, Frank's looking for another continent. One of his fellow explorer-types, a globe-trotting cove without Frank's knack for science or lust for blood, found a continent no one had noticed before, but was shipwrecked and lost the location.

Here's what happens when they arrive in Frank's underwhelmng electronic conveyance. The architecture? Tasty:

The only good thing about this month's vehicle is its pneumatic dynamite gun, which SHOOTS DYNAMITE.